I've been watching far too much TGWTG lately so here's my Top 10 lists... (but not to 11, because I haven't seen Spinal Tap). I suppose I should mention that this page will contain some spoilers, if that's a kind of thing that bothers you.
The Top 10 Characters Who Annoy Me
These are the characters I find so annoying their very existence detracts from the enjoyment of the story they are a part of. In general, they offer nothing to the plot, and that particular fictionalized world would be a better place for their non-existence.
Of course this is all my opinion... YMMV, so take it with a grain of salt. And, you know, enjoy my ranting. (Sorry no pictures... maybe I'll add them later.)
- 10) Vash the Stampede (Trigun anime)
This might be an odd one to have on this list but... I really can't stand Trigun. It's supposed to be this classic anime (they used to show it on Adult Swim in the same block as Cowboy Bebop anyway) and I've always felt a little guilty because I've just never liked it. I've heard multiple reviewers extol its virtues, but... I don't get why people like it. Personally I find it boring, when it's not being incomprehensible, and that's probably because I don't like the main character. It's not that I really dislike him either; he just annoys me. I think a lot of it is his voice, and the way he laughs. Good lord, it is so annoying. I'm also not a fan of incompetence or characters who are incompetent, even if it's just the pretended-incompetence style of obfuscation. I will confess that I've never watched the final third of the anime- I could never get that far- which I know is supposed to be the best part of the anime, but... if I have to get that far into your story before your characters become tolerable, then I think you have an issue with storytelling.
- 9) The Joker (Batman 1989 movie)
I cannot stand Jack Nicholson. I find it completely annoying that he has made a career of basically playing the same character over and over again. To be fair, my fixation on how much this particular character annoys me should probably be blamed mostly on The Nostalgia Critic (and other members of TGWTG) because he loves the 1989 Batman movie, while I've never been a particular fan of it in the first place; before Chris Nolan came on the scene my favorite Batman movie was Batman Forever which, I'm almost sad to admit to, came out during the time period in my life when I was in love with Val Kilmer. I've always been a big fan of Mark Hamill's Joker in the animated series, and I love what Heath Ledger did with the character, but Jack Nicholson's Joker is just... painful. I don't find him amusing, and I don't find him frightening; he makes me feel uncomfortable. Kind of like a rabid dog, I think he should be dragged out into the street and shot for the benefit of all society. With Hamill's Joker I feel like such an action would produce a last funny gag and with Ledger's Joker I feel like such an act would not quite be enough to quell the fear he generates, but with Nicholson's Joker at least it would get him somewhere I don't have to look at him anymore.
- 8) Willie (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom movie)
While Willie is probably the most useless character I've ever seen in a movie, bar none, she falls low on this list because this list is primarily for characters who if they were removed from the story in question would make the story better. Willie's shrill, annoying voice and constant bitching might be the reason I've only sat through Temple of Doom once, but she is by no means the worst thing about that movie. Pretty much the only redeeming facet of the movie is Harrison Ford himself.
- 7) Louis (Interview with the Vampire movie)
Much like Temple of Doom, there isn't a whole lot about Interview with the Vampire that is good (I'm not an Anne Rice fan; are you surprised?). Louis' constant whining and moaning about how every goddamn thing in his life is a giant problem for him is enough to drive me up the wall. There's a reason that, after having to listen to Louis' bitching for two whole hours I heartily identify with Lestat's "Still whining Louis?? ...I've had to listen to that for centuries." Tom Cruise's Lestat is the only real reason to watch this movie, IMHO, and Louis is the reason I usually skip every scene that doesn't have Lestat in it.
- 6) Ike Clanton (Tombstone movie)
In some stories you get that character who is obnoxious, useless, and who never ever gets what's coming to him. That would be Ike, member of the infamous Cowboy gang. Unlike Tom, who is crazy and in charge, or Ringo, who is crazy and... just crazy, Ike's purpose in the movie seems to be to get drunk, shout obnoxious insults, and throw himself into dangerous situations without ever getting killed. Seriously, there are so many places in this movie where this character should die and doesn't that even though he is a relatively minor character his annoyance grows exponentially every moment he is on screen.
- 5) Voldemort (Harry Potter book and movie series)
One of my problems with Harry Potter is that I have never found the central conflict terribly compelling. I mean, Harry defeats Voldemort 4 times by the time he's 15. Why is everyone afraid of this character?? True, by the seventh book Voldemort's New World Order is pretty intense, but seriously... you lost me at the 50 page Monologue of Evil in Goblet of Fire. Actually, you probably lost me at Ralph Fiennes' nose job; maybe it's supposed to be intimidating, but how can you be scared of someone that makes you laugh? Maybe it's just because I've never found snakes, or villians who constantly lose in their encounters with the main character, particularly frightening, but personally I think the story would have been much more compelling if Bellatrix or Umbridge was the main villain; both of them are far more interesting, and more frighteningly evil, characters than Voldemort.
- 4) Xellos (Slayers NEXT anime)
This character annoys the crap out of me. It might be the voice actor... the way he says “That is a secret!” always makes my hand itch to smack someone. But I think the most annoying thing about him is the way he is so obviously not trustworthy but the main characters still keep trusting him. It makes me pull my hair out! When Gaav beats the hell out of him is seriously my favorite moment in all of Slayers. I've yet to see any Slayers beyond NEXT, but Xellos inspires me to violence... what more can I say?
- 3) Ni Jianyi (Gensoumaden Saiyuki anime)
I love Saiyuki, the manga especially and the anime as well even though it can get extremely cheesy. One of the anime's greatest weaknesses, IMHO, is the lack of a strong villain (yeah, Kougaiji doesn't count as a villain in my book). One of the most annoying examples of insufficient villainy in this series is Dr. Ni. He sits in the background, smirks, plots plots that never work but the foiling of which never seems to bother him, keeps showing up, plays with his creepy stuffed bunny, is sexing up the even creepier master villainess, keeps showing up, and never makes clear his true motivation. It's quite obvious that he is only working for Gyokumen Koushou because he finds her, and her attempts to drive the world into chaos for her own personal benefit, amusing, but it is never revealed what he's really after. While this could probably be blamed on the anime coming out faster than the manga it was based on, it drives me crazy. What does this bastard want??
- 2) Xander Harris (Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV show)
I'm kind of an indifferent fan of Buffy. I was a fan of Angel long before I got into its prequel series, and I was a fan because of eye candy before I started paying attention to the convoluted plots. Buffy is an interesting series... but the majority of the characters drove me nuts at first. They still occasionally induce me to throw things at the screen, but no one does this more than Xander F'ing Harris. Where to even start... He tries to be funny, but most of the time isn't. He does stupid things, but never apologizes for them or acknowledges that they were stupid. He appoints himself the chief man in Buffy's life and tries to dictate her relationships for her. He is constantly an assjack to his girlfriends, most notably cheating on his first serious onscreen girlfriend and leaving his second at the altar on their wedding day. He never matures out of the juvenile mindset he exhibits in the first seasons of the show, even though the characters all graduate high school and he goes on to eventually run his own construction crew. He never learns from what happens to him or grows as a person. He is the "heart" of the team and often offers Buffy advice on how to deal with situations, but he leaves the audience (or maybe it's just me?) wondering why the screenwriters expect them to believe he is capable of understanding the complex emotional situations Buffy finds herself in. His valuable contributions to the show are so vastly outweighed by his annoyance that I have a burning desire to see bad things happen to him. Thankfully, through his own stupidity, this happens far more often than I actually wanted to see. Seriously, I find him tolerable less than 10% of the time he is onscreen, and actually amusing probably less than 1%. The highlight of his tolerable moments is the truly heartwarming moment he shares with Dawn at the end of the episode “Potential” in season 7. While all of the characters mature more in the 7th season than they ever did in the previous 6, I gotta wonder: were was that level of understanding and compassion for the rest of the show, dude??
- 1) Naraku (Inuyasha anime and manga)
Anyone who knows me probably saw this coming... Good lord, this character annoys me. It's kind of sad, because there was a lot of potential awesomeness to the character. Over the course of the first couple seasons of the anime it is slowly revealed that Naraku is behind all of the tragedies in the main characters' lives, which is a pretty awesome twist and makes for a great and dastardly villain. The problem arises when he won't fucking die. Instead of dying, Naraku cuts off pieces of himself and makes more annoying villains to run around and give the main characters hell. Every time it looks like he might actually get killed it turns out to be a fake, or not the correct piece of him you need to kill in order to actually kill him. Even this wouldn't so terribly bad I don't think, if he wasn't such a boring character when he was in the storyline. All the interesting stuff he does happens either early on in this overly long manga or it happened prior to the beginning of the current storyline. In the majority of the story he spends his time: 1) obsessing about a girl who hates him, 2) laughing maniacally at his own evilness, and 3) cutting off more pieces of himself to make more villains. That's all he does. The series does finally end with him being killed. Or so I've heard... It got to the point where I seriously lost all interest in following the series because the mere mention of Naraku's name would send me into paroxysms of boredom.
The Top 10 Characters You'd Think Would Annoy Me but Don't
These are the characters that really should, on paper, have made the other list but for some reason or another I actually think they're pretty awesome.
- 10) Carmen (Carmen opera)
Before I saw this opera I was pretty sure I wasn't going to like the titular character. She's a bitch, right? She plays with men's affections, and tosses them aside when she is done with them. I still wanted to see the opera, because of the music. Surprisingly, through the course of the story I found myself really liking Carmen. She believes strongly in living life on her own terms, not according to other people's expectations- something I really identify with. I mean, it's the same basic theme as Saiyuki, my favorite manga: "free of everything, bound by nothing, live your life just as it is." She doesn't toy with people, as I had thought before seeing the opera performed, but she doesn't submit herself to the demands of other people either; it's not her problem if they are in love with her- their emotions are not her responsibility. The opera is really an interesting look at the need for taking responsibility for one's own actions, and what can happen when you do allow other people and your feelings for them to dictate what you do, as the Corporal demonstrates when he allows his lust for Carmen to consume his life. Carmen's character is also interesting in that she's a (lower class) woman having these opinions in an opera written in the 1870s. She'll give herself completely to a man, but only if he does the same for her and gives himself completely to loving her.
- 9) Mr. Goodkat (Lucky Number Slevin movie)
This one makes the list mostly because I couldn't think of anyone else to round out the 10... But you would think that a character with no development who keeps randomly showing up throughout the story would annoy me, right? And in this case you'd be wrong. Mr. Goodkat is the friendly neighborhood plot-convenient assassin from Lucky Number Slevin, and yes the character has no history or development whatsoever (until the very end of the film when he gets an extremely small amount of development). But... he's played by Bruce Willis. In this case the casting does all of your character development for you. He's Bruce Willis- the audience knows that he's a badass assassin without the plot having to waste time explaining the origins of this relatively minor character. Overall I liked this movie more than I really should have, so that's probably coloring my judgment... but there you go.
- 8) Maes Hughes (Fullmetal Alchemist anime and manga)
This guy spends all his time talking about his daughter, and yeah it's pretty annoying. I started watching the anime before I read the manga and for awhile I really didn't care for Maes. I mean, he was amusing at first but then he just kept harping on the same damn thing: his daughter. What saved him in my eyes, sad to say, was his untimely death. There is nothing more annoying to me than a character who overstays his welcome (as Naraku, Voldemort, or Ike Clanton from above can demonstrate); conversely, there is nothing I like better than a character who knows when to take a bow. Maes' death was utterly predictable and at the same time so tragic and unexpected, that it cemented him as one of my favorite characters in the story.
- 7) Madeline Weston (Burn Notice TV show)
As awesome as she is, Maddie falls low-erish on this list because I'm not sure that she really qualifies as someone I would find annoying. Yeah, she spends a lot of her time just ragging on her son Michael (the disbanded government spy who is the receiver of the titular burn notice), or freaking out about stupid things when he's trying to prevent her and his brother from being killed by drug smugglers, but from the beginning it's been pretty obvious that Maddie is a woman of steel underneath her flustered Miami-retieree exterior. Nothing emphasizes this as much as the 5th season episode "Bloodlines," but the knowledge has revealed itself in fits and starts throughout the show. In her I think the audience really gets to see where Michael got his own strength of character, and that is something it is awesome to be able to witness.
- 6) Phoenix (X-Men comics)
There are a lot of X-Men characters that I don't like, and quite a few that I do like. When I first got into the comics, after exposure to the movies and multiple cartoons, the last character I expected to like was Jean Grey. As the token chick from the original first class of X-Men, her powers seemed to include: clutching or touching her head dramatically as she attempts to engage in telepathy, falling strategically into her boyfriend's arms, crying out her boyfriend's name, and dying. But, for the short time period that I became a regular reader of the comics (about 2001-2004) she kicked ass, knew when to let other people take center stage, and was also really funny. I think that by this point Jean had died enough times that it was more a matter of course than a real surprise and even the characters in the story had to remark upon the fact that her dying wasn't the huge deal it had been in the past. She was also very relaxed in her powers as Phoenix instead of barely holding on to her sanity and so was much more amusing as a result, able to herself make fun of her tendency to live up to the phoenix name; in a scene I particularly remember she even sings a song to herself with the most appropriate lyrics: "I've been dead, but I got better."
- 5) Anya (Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV show)
As many characters as I like and don't like from Buffy, Anya's the only other one (besides the king douche, above) to make this list because I most certainly thought I would find her annoying, but I really don't. She spends most of her time hanging off of Xander and getting him to have sex with her, an act for which I can only wonder at her reasons for desiring (or blame the show's writers). But what I like about Anya is her ability, nay, her utter infallibility, to tell the truth. On a show where the main cast spends most of their time lying to each other and hiding from uncomfortable aspects of reality, Anya can always be counted on to point out the truth that no one wants to look at, and I found that extremely refreshing. Throughout the show there tends to be a character whose main purpose seems to be hanging around the main trio and pointing out the obvious, usually to someone's great personal pain or embarrassment- I think Cordelia started this trend, and Spike was definitely an enthusiastic contender- but out of all of them Anya was the one I would have thought I'd like the least and yet found myself really appreciating.
- 4) Mercy Thompson (Mercy Thompson book series)
I can't stand urban fantasy books; rather, I can't stand 95% of the urban fantasy books I've encountered, which shouldn't be an indictment against the whole genre but... For the most part, such novels feature a heroine who is completely stupid and utterly dependent on some hunky and darkly mysterious guy to get her out of the trouble she got herself into. It annoys me. Severely. So, I was also annoyed when I found out one of my favorite authors, Patricia Briggs, was giving up straight fantasy to write urban fantasy. I read the first book in her series, Moon Called, with a great deal of trepidation. To my surprise, I loved it. While I love the entire supporting cast, what saves the series is Mercy herself. She isn't stupid; she realizes when she is about to do something stupid and chooses to do it anyway- yes, this is a different thing from actually being stupid. She doesn’t depend on anyone to help her get out of trouble; in fact this becomes her problem, when her refusal to lean on her boyfriend (even if she doesn't need to) becomes a friction point in their relationship. And almost all of the trouble she gets into isn't actually her fault; in the first book her neighbor gets attacked and she gets pulled into it, calling on a friend for a favor- attempting to repay that favor gets her indebted to another friend (and brought to the attention of even large, scarier people) and so on. Mercy also learns from her mistakes and grows as a character. What else can I say? I love her.
- 3) Sokka (Avatar: the Last Airbender cartoon)
When you look at a character description of Sokka you see someone who looks a lot like the #2 on my other list: the flat line norm in a group of super humans whose main ability is humor. On the surface, there's not a lot of difference between Sokka and Xander. But... the first thing is that Sokka is actually funny, while Xander is mostly not. And beyond that, the main thing that makes me love Sokka is... well, his ability to eat crow. He says stupid shit all the time, but he is able to acknowledge when he has been stupid, admit that he is wrong, and laugh about it. Seeing that in this character blew my mind. Actually, strangely enough Xander might be the reason I like Sokka so much... Sokka is just so much Xander's polar opposite that it really amazes me that two characters who are so much alike could be so different. Though it's hard to separate myself from just how much I dislike Xander, even without the influence of my Xander-hate I think I would love Sokka. He's just so affable- but in a way that's incredibly intelligent, rather than the stupidity that is usually associated with affability. He might be only 15, but this kid knows who he is and is comfortable with his place in the world in a way that few fully grown people have achieved. It's really impressive and makes for a character who is always fun to watch.
- 2) Akito Souma (Fruits Basket anime)
This is another character who bears a striking resemblance to someone on the other list... and is strangely enough on this list for some of the same reasons the Ni Jianyi is on the other list. The villain of his story, Akito spends his time terrorizing his family members for no apparent reason. He has no stated motive (until very late in the manga), but from when I first saw the anime I've loved Akito. I'm not sure why exactly... Whereas Ni Jianyi annoys me because he never gives a reason for why he does what he does, Akito's motive from day one has always been “just because he's evil and that's the way he rolls.” While I really appreciated this about him in the anime, in the manga the character takes a very different turn. While that turn threw me for a loop at first, I found myself really appreciating the character for an entirely different set of reasons than I had previously. They are really two completely separate characters; I list only the anime version here because they are so different, and there is more of an obvious reason why I should find him annoying when I really don't. Sometimes the excuse of just being evil (or just being possessed by the curse of evil) is all the motivation you need.
- 1) Ukoku Sanzo (Saiyuki and Saiyuki Reload manga)
What?!? Yes, if you're familiar with Saiyuki you'll notice that the same character just made the list twice... Or, rather, made both lists. What can I say? Ukoku is awesome, while Ni Jianyi is just sort of... "I'll get you my pretty!" and your little monkey, too. Ukoku is just so darkly manipulative to Ni's smug and incompetent villainy that it's a perfect study in how two different mediums can create two completely different people out of the same character. This is similar to what happened with Akito; and much like anime-Akito, Ukoku's motivation seems to be “just because he's evil"- but that's all the motivation he needs. Ukoku enjoys twisting people's lives just for the hell of it, because he himself is a twisted fuck. Knowledge of some back story would probably have gone a long way toward salvaging my opinion of Dr. Ni; for some reason Ni just seems like he needs more of a reason for what he does, while Ukoku is a force of chaos in the style of Heath Ledger's Joker. Ukoku is secretly behind so many of the bad things that happen to the protagonists of Saiyuki that he's like the redeemed version of Naraku as well; he is the spider drawing the web closer around the struggling heroes, but in a way that's so understated and sneaky, neither they nor the audience see it coming until it's almost too late. This is a villain that I am definitely looking forward to reading more about.
