Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.
I also do not own Eugene O'Neill's play A Moon for the Misbegotten,
from which the opening quote is excerpted. I am making no
money from this fanwork.
Note: This was an idea I had, that I was going to make into a much
longer story, but I've decided that I'd rather spend my time on other things so
I've worked this into a one shot (by giving it more of an ending). I may
come back and fill it out later... but I doubt it. The pairing is
Inunotaisho/Izayoi, though it pretty much disregards the third movie as I was in
the process of redefining the character of Izayoi for my own purposes.
Rated NC-17 or equivalent for lemony goodness.
She felt the anger within her, boiling out of her, and she was done with trying to contain it. Her life, if it could be called such, had been a series of events orchestrated by others for their own pleasures and she was tired. She was tired of dancing to someone else's tune, and she was tired of giving everyone what they wanted. She wanted what she wanted, and she was unable anymore to keep up the charade of her pleasing smile when people asked her how she felt without waiting for her response.
The final straw, that one that snapped her, came when her father's general caught her eye at the victory procession. Her father's army had won a desperate battle against the demons- she wasn't supposed to know even that much about it- and General Yamakawa's part in the battle had been exemplary. When he dared to raise his face to her veiled pavilion as the procession passed- when his dark eyes met hers- that was when she knew what had been decided without her consent. Her father's visit was only a formality and, coming as it did after her revelation, it was after the leave her restraint had taken and was therefore loud.
She had never raised her voice to her father before. Truthfully, she could easily count on her slender fingers all the times in her life when she had spoken with him. The maids told her that she was his favored daughter; she had grown up hearing this, as she had grown up with the dark looks and petty jealousies of her multitude of sisters and half-sisters, but she hadn't ever believed it. She thought it might be possible though, as she saw the shock on his face when she stood in front of him and refused to obey his order that she would marry the General. But then, such an expression could be akin to the shock of having one's prized chrysanthemums suddenly develop a penchant for biting; no expected a flower to have teeth. Her words started out evenly stated but soon both their voices were raised in passion, and eventually words dissolved in the roar of their opposing emotions. A part of her did recognize that it was generally only things that people cared about that they allowed to anger then so, but she was adamant about her freedom and she would not return to her meekness.
Her father refused to consider her desires- refused to acknowledge this creature that had never before defied him was now savagely sinking teeth into the hand that fed it and was not letting go. He confined her to her rooms, ordering her servants to keep an eye on her, but her own anger would not be restrained. She slipped out past the maids; they were more scared of her in her newly discovered rage than they ever had been of her father. She made her way out through the hallways she knew so well, and out into passages where she was not usually permitted to walk, and even further out through the yards where she never before had set her feet. She struck out west, toward the moon low in the sky, and didn't look back. She left behind her entire life and didn't care- the anger didn't leave room in her for worry.
It wasn't until later, when she sat down on a bleak hillside, miles from anything, shivering in her silken gown, crying from the pain of blisters and cuts on her feet and the sudden biting hunger in her belly, that fear crept into her. The world was huge around her and the night was cold, and she did not know how to combat either of these problems. Her father was a samurai, but a woman's battleground was a far different one and she had never even imagined that she would need the skills necessary to keep herself alive in such a situation as this.
She shivered again, from sheer terror this time, at a shuffling sound in the underbrush. Some animal moved; it sounded large and angry. Pulling her thin clothing close around her, she slipped farther away from the forest and further up the open hillside. When the branches moved aside and the rabbit hopped out on the open grass of the hillside, she made herself laugh to keep from crying with the sudden rush of emotion within her. She stood and walked to the top of the hill and stared up at the moon. She screamed wildly at the sky, wordless emotion pouring out of her, her throat raw with it after this night. Pulling off one tattered slipper and throwing it at the distant lighted orb in that sky, she threw back her head and closed her eyes as if daring the night to strike her with the worst it could conjure. She held onto her anger, because it was the only thing between her and and an all consuming fear. Or so it seemed...
Clouds seemed to seep into the sky, covering the moon. Looking up at that moon, she felt a peace fall over her. So what if she died out here on this hillside? At least she hadn't been forced to marry that sadistic old boor. At least she'd stood up for herself at last. The air smelled sweet with her freedom... or was that a wildflower whose scent she had never before encountered? She smiled- they were one and the same. She opened her eyes and shivered again, but not with the cold. Her spirit was drifting away with the moon and she had to reach out and grab ahold of her anger in order to steady herself. Yes, the anger.... How dare her father try and force his ancient liegeman on her? The anger keeps the cold off... And then she noticed that the smoky clouds had completely covered the moon.
The darkness seemed warmer, more welcoming. As she looked up she thought the shadowed clouds over the moon formed the shape of a creature of some kind... some large predator, the circle of the moon its winking, silvered eye. She stood looking at it and she stepped back unconsciously, and stepped right into a warm body.
A small sound of surprise and indignation escaped her as she sprang away from the unexpected presence and spun around to face it. Almost before she thought about it her hand came up and slapped him even as her eyes touched upon his face. She stood, gap-jawed, as she took him in- his high cheekbones and smooth skin, his strong shoulders and lean body, his piercing eyes. His cheek reddened where she had struck him and he pulled full lips back in a thin smile, revealing long, pointed teeth.
She froze. An overwhelming rush of thoughts battled for dominance in her brain- Firstly, she saw immediately that he was not human. She had never before seen a demon, but her father had been fighting with them since before she was born and even the stories she wasn't supposed to have heard she gleaned third, or seventh, hand from eavesdropping on her maids. Her second most pressing thought- though it was an instinct rather than a thought- was that she should run, or possibly fall to the ground and cover her head with her hands and pray to all the gods that he just went away. Her third and fourth thoughts tripped almost immediately upon each other's heels so that they twined and became one: that one of the stories she wasn't supposed to have heard was how demons carried off young virgins and ate them, and that this creature standing before her was very beautiful. Her eyes traveled over his features, admiring the long clean lines of his face and the way he stood with the same easy energy as her father's best samurai, his body relaxed and yet still ready to move and take action. She noted the light of curiosity in his eyes, and at the same time the slightly mocking curve of his lip. Her reflexive indignation at being mocked by anyone made her twitch, and that broke her paralysis.
She withdrew her hand from where it had been suspended in shock between them and let it drop at her side as she stood up straighter. They stood looking at each other for a moment longer, before she raised her hand and slapped him again.
He moved for the first time, raising his own hand to rub lightly at his reddened cheek but she knew she hadn't truly hurt him in any way. His eyes traveled the length of her body then fixed on hers again. She stared back at him, her jaw clenched in anger so that it wouldn't chatter in fear. He would strike her now, and she would die, and he would eat her... Or maybe demons ate their virgins before they killed them? Don't think about that, she told herself, but found the advice easier to think than to follow.
"What was that for?"
She blinked several times before she realized he had spoken. Her fingers clenched in the folds of her gown, holding onto her anger lest it fly away, as she unclenched her jaw to speak in return. "The first time, for startling me. The second..." She sniffed imperiously. "For being rude." Maybe if I make him angry, he will forget that he's supposed to eat me and just kill me quickly....
Unfortunately for her plan, the demon grinned, apparently highly amused. "Forgive me," he said, his voice smooth and low. It made shivers run through her bones; she was able to conceal the effect he had on her with a jerk of surprise as he bowed to her. When he stood up straight again, and his golden eyes sought hers, her own eyes were wide with shock. She could feel her heart beating faster and faster, and she sought desperately for the anger that had fueled her so far through this night in order that it might continue to serve her.
"Your rudeness cannot be forgiven," she said, her voice harsh.
His eyes narrowed. "Why is that?" Was it her imagination, or did he step closer to her?
She bent to remove her other shoe, turning her back to him as though she couldn't be bothered with him, and she wrung it between her hands, clinging to it as her heart beat its way up through her throat. She looked at him over her shoulder, almost coyly. "Perhaps I am mistaken." He raised an eyebrow at her admission, but he continued to watch her with the carefully disinterested attention of a predator advancing on its prey. "Perhaps you can be forgiven... for surely such a creature as a demon can know no other way to behave." She threw the words at him- the only weapon she possessed- using them as a goad. But his smile widened, and his eyes held hers as he stepped closer to her.
Her arm shot out, extended to its full length with the slipper still clutched in her hand, as she stepped back, maintaining the distance between them. She didn't say anything; if she opened her mouth she was sure her heart would beat its way right out of her and fall unneeded on the grass.
Both eyebrows raised as he shifted his gaze to her tattered slipper, held out like a ward against his approach. Moving so quickly she hardly saw him, he brushed her arm aside and moved inside of her guard. He raised a hand- she saw the long, wicked-looking claws- and placed it gently against the smooth cloth of her gown, over her heart. "It beats like a rabbit's," he observed, his voice quiet and soothing. "A creature always afraid of a world too large for it."
Her eyes flew open wide, her anger truly reclaimed as she shoved his hand away. He allowed it- she could tell that if he hadn't wanted to move, there was no way that she could move him- and this angered her more. She smacked him again, this time with the shoe still in her hand, and one of the beaded tassels cut a bloody line down his cheek. His eyes narrowed, but she was beyond noticing. "I fear nothing!" she demanded- and indeed, in that moment there was no fear in her. "I do not fear my father, or the wrath of the general, or even you!!" She beat her hands against his chest, screaming now, "I do not fear you!"
He grabbed her, his grip surprisingly soft, and shook her gently. "Stop that," he commanded, "I believe you." But she didn't stop, couldn't stop; she was crying now as she screamed, her hoarse voice almost gone. He pulled her against himself and kissed her, his mouth effectively drowning her cries.
She relaxed against him, her fingers curling in the soft silk of his kimono, leaning into the solid strength of him. His mouth was hard against hers, but not harsh; he felt like how she imagined a man should feel. Her lips parted guilelessly and she felt his tongue sweep into her mouth, tasting her. She shivered at the sensation, her fingers tightening their grip as she moaned. He broke off the kiss to look at her, but she fell against him, no strength left in her body, and buried her face in his shoulder. She inhaled a deep, sobbing breath and the scent of him filled her. He smelled warm and clean, and not at all like a creature that ate people should.
"I apologize again," the demon said, his voice a rumble against her ear that made her bones melt. "I did not mean to cast doubt upon your courage. I see now that you are not afraid of this large world, and that indeed you fear nothing." There was a tone to his voice that made her think he might be mocking her, but it was light- as if he was not mocking her, but rather that they together were sharing some joke at the rest of the world's expense.
She pushed away from him, standing on her own. She was sure her face was a mess, but she stood tall and met his eyes. "If you believe that then you are a bigger fool than my father would have me believe all you creatures are." Her voice didn't tremble as she confessed her weakness; she was as strong in her honesty as she had been in her earlier demanding.
His gaze became more focused on her face as he looked at her for a long moment. "Perhaps we are both fools then, for I believe I spoke truth. It is up to you to decide what you believe."
Her eyes flew open wide and she gasped at his words. Up to her to decide what she believed... No one had ever said such a thing to her in her entire life. "Surely you are mistaken," she said bitterly. "I am sure that it is my place to believe what I am told to believe."
A grin pulled at his lips as his own eyes widened. "Lady, who told you to run out in the night and throw your shoes at the moon?" he asked good-naturedly.
She felt her face coloring in embarrassment, for she had no answer to that. "The same who told me that you would eat me," she said finally. She dropped her slipper, her hands falling to her side as her anger and fear melted into calm acceptance. It helped that he was nothing like what she'd imagined a demon would be; it made the entire encounter seem unreal, and perhaps she could convince herself that she dreamed until it was over with. "I do not wish to return to that life, so I accept your proposition."
"My proposition?" He seemed greatly amused. "You were the one who proposed I eat you."
Her resolve flickered. "I assure you that I am a virgin, such as your kind prefer."
He raised an eyebrow. "That is fascinating information Lady. However, I fail to see the relevance to our current situation."
She shivered. He did not seem as though he wanted to eat her, though maybe he was just playing with her. She stood silent, ready to wait in this dream until it consumed her. She stood for what seemed a long time; her bare feet grew cold, reminding her of the pain of her blisters, and the dreamlike quality of the encounter started to fade.
His hand came up, suddenly, unexpectedly, the surprisingly soft pad of his thumb brushing her cheek as he raised her face to his own. "You truly do intend to stand there until I eat you." He sounded amused, and her ire rose again, but he saw the flash in her eyes. "Maa," he murmured soothingly, "I laugh at whoever told you such stories; not at you Lady." His head bent closer to hers and his nostrils flared slightly; she realized he was smelling her. She put her arms on his chest and pushed him away, uncertainty filling her; she had never thought that such an animalistic gesture would fill her body with such a rush of warmth. He took her hands in his own, guiding them out to the side so that they were no longer a barrier between her body and his, and stepped closer to her, kissing her again.
She opened her mouth to him, because it had felt good the last time, and gasped against his lips as his hands released hers to cup the back of her head, his slender fingers stroking through her hair, pulling it easily out of the simple braid she'd used to tie it back so that it now fell about her body. Her hands unoccupied, she fisted them fiercely in the front of his kimono as she pulled him closer, her heart beating in her throat again- she was sure he caressed it with the warmth of his tongue- as her unbound hair whispered against the back of her neck and all around her. Daringly, she reached up to touch his face- her heart beat faster now, if possible- her fingers stroking his unmarked cheek as she kissed him back. She touched his ear, inhaling deeply as her fingers felt the unfamiliar shape of it.
He was the one who pulled out of the kiss first. Her lips pressed against his closed ones in a parting reverence, and she looked up at his face wondering idly if he was now angry. She had nothing left to her; she would not go back to her father, and to go out further into the world was something she now knew she was amazingly unprepared for. The world would probably kill her, and while she did not fear death she would much rather this beautiful creature ate her than to have to go looking for death elsewhere. If there were other things he wanted from her... well, hadn't she been raised to please a man, to catch a fine husband who could add to her father's wealth? Perhaps this was not what her father had had in mind, but this demon was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. He was watching her now, as if looking for something. She touched his ear again idly, tracing the shape of it, as she leaned against him. She wasn't sure she could stand on her own; her feet hurt, and there was a curious weakness in her knees that she'd never felt before. Daring again, her hands slipped back, past his ears, into his hair and she pulled it out of the topnot he wore so that the smooth length of it flowed down around his body in a silver cascade. She shivered, no longer cold in the slightest, as she buried her fingers in it, pressing her face against his shoulder.
He chuckled, the sound loud to her ear. His arms came around her and a hand raised to brush gently against her hair, his long claws combing through the strands. She buried her face further in his shoulder, the warm strength of him almost too much. But at the same time not enough... She wanted something else- it was a heat running though her blood that demanded sating. Her fingers twined behind his neck and she pulled his mouth down to hers. "If you will not eat me," she murmured boldly against his lips, "then I will require that you perform for me a different service." He kissed her softly, grinning, and seized her waist suddenly, pulling her off her feet and hard against his body as he kissed her throat. She moaned, the sound louder than she had intended, as her legs fell around his waist as if they had always belonged there, holding him close to her.
He kissed her again, his tongue touching the hollow of her throat, tasting it. "Is that so?" he murmured against her, his soft breath brushing over that moist skin, and she moaned again. Her arms wrapped around his head and held him as his tongue tasted her lower, his lips closing around the hardened tip of her breast, mouthing it through the this cloth of her gown. She gasped, her legs tightening around his waist as her fingers clenched in his hair, her body seized by the unexpectedness of such pleasure.
She could hear his soft laughter as he laid her down on the grass of the hilltop. He leaned over her and his hair was a silver curtain around her, reminding her of the curtained bed in her chamber. No one dared to peek behind those curtains unless she invited them, and now she pulled at the clasp of her gown, pushing the thin cloth away from skin too warm to care about the chill air, as she invited this demon into her chamber- into all of the secrets she held away form the rest of the world.
Her breasts were bare to the sky now and he bowed his head to taste them fully, no cloth barrier impeding him. She exhaled deeply, her fingers in his hair as she unconsciously guided his mouth, and when his teeth nipped lightly at her pale skin she gasped that breath back in, only to release it again in a begging moan. Her eyes closed in pure pleasure; she could feel him breathing against her neck as he nuzzled her, one hand stroking her thigh. She felt a shiver ripple through her body as her hands fell to his waist, pulling at his sash as she slipped her fingers inside the folds of his kimono.
His skin was smooth, where it wasn't puckered by occasional scars, and she could feel the hard strength of the muscle it covered as she pressed her fingers against that smoothness. She traced the lines of his stomach back up to his chest where she let one hand brush over a pebbled nipple. He made a pleased sound in the back of his throat and the hand on her thigh squeezed slightly in approval. Her other hand pulled his face to her own, and she licked his cheek where she had struck him earlier, cleaning away the trickle of blood in mute apology. It sent a strange tingle running through her, this demon's blood, and she licked his cheek again hoping to feel it a second time. Disappointed, she linked her hands behind his neck, pulling him down, closer to her. She heard him chuckling again as she kissed his neck like he had done to her. "Had I known human women were such forcefully considerate lovers, I would have visited them more often." She grinned against his skin, and then pressed her tongue against the hard nub of his nipple, again mirroring his earlier actions as she took it gently in her teeth.
He gasped; she pressed her body up against his as she nipped him again, her arms slipping underneath his kimono to wrap around his back. She felt him shiver, the arms that held him above her trembling slightly as he moaned in surprise. She laughed now, as her own body shook with her desire, a higher level of pleasure filling her that she, who was so inexperienced, had been able to give him pleasure. He looked down at her, pupils mere pinpricks in the deep gold of his eyes, his breathing ragged. His hand on her thigh had fallen between her legs now and was tracing its way up to the junction of legs and body. She knew little about what it was exactly that men and women did together, but she knew that that place was central to it; she let her legs fall apart in invitation as she pushed off her robe where it still clung to her. He paused a moment too and finished removing annoying clothing; his skin glowed under the moonlight, his shoulders wide and strong, his legs lean and just as hard with muscle as he pulled off his hakama. Her fingers were drawn immediately to that unfamiliar organ that curved up between his legs as he leaned over her again, and she boldly brushed her hands up along the inside of his thighs, her destination plain.
She knelt before him as he stood above her, her fingers insatiable as she took the length of flesh in her hand, tracing the shape of it with her fingertips. The tip of it seemed to be more sensitive and she rubbed it with her thumb as her other fingers curled around the length of it while above her the demon groaned in pleasure. His long fingers buried themselves in her hair as she leaned forward to trail kisses over his abdomen, pausing with a mischievous glint in her eye to let her tongue taste the flesh she held in her hands. A groan turned into a snarl as he bared his teeth- they looked longer than they had before- and his hands fisted painfully in her hair as she suddenly became aware of long claws. She shivered, but didn't stop what she was doing.
He pushed her away suddenly, breathing hard as he knelt beside her. She looked at him, her heart beating in her throat, wondering what would happen next when he answered her by pushing her back again, seizing her knees and pulling them apart, and shifting so that he could easily lick her thighs; which was precisely what he proceeded to do. She bit back a moan of surprise as she felt his rough tongue against the pale skin of her inner thigh, but she forgot everything as his tongue slipped in between the folds of skin around her womanhood and touched against a hard nub there. Her body spasmed in uncomprehending ecstasy, her fingers snatching desperately to bury themselves in his hair, wanting to push him away, pull him closer, demand that he tell her how he had caused such a feeling within her, just lie back and feel it again. Impossibly, the feeling seemed to be building as that tongue laved against that spot again before drifting back in search of something else. Her mouth fell open with the sheer inexpressibleness of the feeling as she felt his tongue slip inside of her; she whimpered, her body too caught up in the feeling to attempt to make any other sound.
It felt not long at all, and yet forever, before he released his hold on her knees and moved up to claim her mouth in a kiss. She let her legs fall open wider as he moved up to kneel between them, and she forgot about everything except the heat of his mouth. When that heat released her, she noticed with slight surprise how he shifted her body against him, positioning her, and suddenly many things seemed to make sense as she felt the sensitive tip of his length of flesh against the opening where her woman's blood flowed from. She inhaled deeply, exhilaration flowing through her, racing in her blood, as she wrapped her arms around his neck, tensing slightly in anticipation.
"Shhh," he murmured against her ear, his long teeth nipping lightly at her neck.
She relaxed against him, forcing her breathing to its normal course, and it struck her as she felt him moving inside of her, the sheer unreality of everything about this night. She tried to remember what it was she had been before this hill under the moon... but her world fractured with the ecstasy that filled her as he moved against her, and all thinking ceased. Her head fell back as a deeply shuddered moan escaped her open mouth.
He shivered and moaned above her in a strange echo of her own actions before he moved against her again, the stilted motion becoming continuous as their bodies seemed to mold together. Having him inside of her felt so perfect she wondered why she hadn't been born here, with him, where she was supposed to be, why she had wasted all her life until this point with other creatures that were so much less than she could be- than he was.
It occurred to her after a span of time immeasurable with passion, as her body exploded with that pleasure, shattering with the feeling of him loosing himself inside of her, that she had been born here- that this was the first day of her life.
She woke with the dawn on her face, lying on a thick carpet of grass. She was alone; she knew that before her searching eyes confirmed it. And she was not where she had fallen asleep last night; the trees were slender and grew close together not far from where she lay, the grass much thicker than it had been on the hillside. The air was warmer also and heavy with the sounds of a farm waking up. Slowly she pushed herself to her feet, her body aching with all the strain she'd put it through yesterday. She noticed then, as she moved, the flicker of silver at her wrist- examining it closely she found several strands of his hair braided tightly into a band, clinging to the small of her wrist just below her hand. She smiled, the expression vastly different than any her face would have worn before last night. The world was still large around her, but she thought that perhaps not all of it was cold. Her heart was where it should be, steady in her chest, as she pushed her way through a stand of the trees to find the farm she could hear; a cow blinked at her blearily as it chewed a mouthful of grass while beyond it a group of chickens fluttered away a few startled steps. She giggled.
"Well, well," a voice said and she turned toward it to find a woman standing not far away regarding her. "What have we here?"
"I... I just came through the trees..." She wondered what to tell the woman; her mind hadn't quiet caught up with her and was still thinking about last night.
The woman waved away her attempt at explanation. "What's your name girl?"
She hesitated, but only for a moment, because her old life was far behind her. "Tsuki," she replied softly. She caught the glint of silver from the corner of her eye before she whisked her hand back and buried it in the folds of her slightly tattered gown and bowed to the woman. "Please, call me Tsuki."
The woman regarded her gruffly, but Tsuki found over the next months that her task-mistress was a kind one. Tsuki learned well and quickly and worked with eagerness, and the woman never mentioned that day when Tsuki had come through the trees and never commented on how Tsuki had come to her with less knowledge than a kitten when it came to running a farm.
Her practical knowledge grew in her, roughening her mind to the work as the application of the knowledge roughened her hands. But she was born again to this life, and renamed, and she was waiting for him when he returned to her.
He came in the moonlight, as he had before, as she had known he would, and he was glorious around her. Her hands rested on her stomach. It had not been so long since she had last seem him that the slight bulge in her abdomen told the tales it could, but... "You knew." She looked up at him with wondering eyes. "You knew that very night."
He touched her face. "I knew that you had nowhere to go." She looked at him for a long moment, and he admitted, "I knew."
She nodded and took his hand in hers, tracing the lines in it, feeling the play of muscle under his skin.
He hesitated. "You... do not mind?"
She looked up at him, startled. "Mind? Why should I?"
"This child...." He hesitated again. "This child will be an outcast among all peoples, hunted and hated."
Her hands went again to her stomach. "I will love this child," she said, her voice strong, and she remembered that night, when they had met. "I am not afraid," she said.
She wondered if he was remembering the same thing. "I believe you," he said, his voice quiet in the darkness of the setting moon. "And I will love you both."
She nodded, leaning back against him, watching as the darkness fell thicker. "If you believe my words you are a bigger fool than I," she confessed in the absence of the moon.
His breath was soft against her neck. "Then fools be us both." His arms were around her, warm. "To recognize that there are things that need to be feared is a strength." She scoffed, but he continued. "Such recognition does not lessen your courage. There is pride in my heart for one of such strength as you, and though such was not my plan that night when I walked in the moonlight and found you, it pleases me that your strength will guide my child." He stayed with her long into the dawn this time and she slept easier with his warmth at her side.
She opened her eyes, looking up at the moon, the dreams falling away from her eyes. The world had been simpler then and yet it seemed as yesterday to her memories, but for the child in her arms. She dried her tears on the blanket wrapped around him, holding him close as he began to cry. She rocked him and tickled his furry ears until he quieted and gurgled in her arms. "We are alone now," she murmured to him as he curled his fist around her forefinger. "But the pride in my heart is surpassed only by love."
