Notes: Cast out by his village and having committed murder, Tallo seeks only release from this world. But Fate has other ideas in mind... The title comes from a line in the poem "And Death Shall Have No Dominion" by Dylan Thomas. All recognizable characters and events belong to Mercedes Lackey. No infringement is intended, and no profit is being made. I've just always wanted to hear the rest of this story, and I'm tired of waiting for someone else to write it. So I did, and now I'm sharing it with anyone who wants to read. Anyway, this isn't supposed to be an epic or anything; my goal is to give a fairly decent, somewhat lighthearted interpretation of Moondance and Starwind’s early life together.
Rated PG-13 or equivalent for the use of brief, strong language, scenes of intimacy involving a consenting fifteen-year-old, and because attempting suicide is bad.
I stood, facing him across the circle. I brought the knife up and toward myself. All I had to do was speak the words, make the gesture, and it was done. There would be no going back... Raising my head I met his eyes, and I knew that already there was no going back. So, I did the only thing I could do.
I killed him.
"Tallo, for the sins you have committed, you stand accused. You used gifts for which you had not received training. You used these gifts to deliberately cause fear in the heart of another for self gain. In doing so, these gifts escaped your control and caused the death of an innocent. Have you anything to say?"
Silence.
"Very well. The only acceptable punishment for these crimes is death. Step forward and accept your punishment." Standing there, my mind fled backward in time, reliving in the seconds before my death the life that had brought me to this point.
I woke up, slowly. It was pleasantly warm, and for some reason that felt wrong. I blinked up at the ceiling above me. It didn't look like any ceiling I had ever seen before, and a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach told me that this was unlike any other dwelling I had ever been in before. I picked up my right hand and raised it to my face; I couldn't seem to feel my other arm, and for awhile I stared at my right hand to see if it could tell me why this was. It was not being very helpful, but the more I thought about it the more I could feel my left arm. Except… it felt heavy. I frowned. Heavy? Something was wrong… Well, that was brilliant logic. And where was Alik? It was hard to think; my head felt foggy, and trying to push through it to remember the last thing that happened to me was hard. Alik and I were planning on running away... was this it? Had we done it? No, wait... I frowned. I remembered loud voices, discovery, pain... Turning to the side, I looked at my arm and as I did I remembered what I had done to myself, and why. Everything was coming back to me, and I suddenly decided I didn't want to remember.
This decision, however passionately made, came a little late, as it seemed at this point that I didn't have a choice. Unless… This strange room did have a window. I dragged myself to it, hoping against hope that I was on a second story, but more realistically I just hoped there was no one watching it. But when I reached the window, what I saw surpassed my wildest expectations. The ground lay so far beneath me that I was dizzy just thinking about it. My heart leapt up in my throat. Perfect... Gripping the frame of the window with my good hand, I managed to get one leg out and onto the small ledge provided by a branch that jutted out from under the floor of the room I had just exited. I might have paused to ask a few questions about architecture, but I really wanted to get this over with before the guilt of what I’d done caught up with the memory of it and I had to live with both of them for even a second. The second leg followed the first one, and I heard the door to the room behind me open. Better hurry up then, I thought to myself, and I closed my eyes and leaned out into the sunshine and the warm breeze, letting go of everything behind me. But my beautiful freefall was destined to be interrupted. As I released the windowsill, a hand reached out and grabbed me by the wrist.
It took a moment for this to register in my still fuzzy mind. I hung there, my entire weight suspended from this stranger's hand. After a moment I could hear a voice that sounded like it was swearing; I started moving upward as he pulled me back in through the window. My lip curled in a feral snarl; before I had even though about it clearly I reached up with my injured arm and, seizing his arm, I pulled myself up until I was closer. When I got close enough, I sunk my teeth into the hand that held me. I heard him cry out in surprise and pain, but, rather than releasing me as expected, the hand held me tighter. I screamed like a wild thing as I was hauled back in through the window, and I clawed at anything or anyone I could reach. The man that had grabbed my hand was there, and a woman behind him in white, and someone else I thought, but all I cared about was that I had failed again. I couldn't go on like this! This time it would have worked, too, if he hadn't been there. He still had me by the wrist and he didn't act like he was going to be letting go anytime soon. I went limp in pretended defeat as the people around me conversed in a language that sounded alien to my ears. I could feel the grip on my arm lessening as he let his guard down; at one point he leaned down next to me. He was about to say something, but he had finally released the hold he had on my wrist and I took the opportunity handed to me. My feet were still under me, and I dove for the window almost faster than I could think of doing so.
But he was faster.
I was almost to my freedom when he caught me; his arms going around me this time, hugging me to his chest. "No!" I screamed. "No! You can't stop me! I…" There were tears running down my face now, the first I had cried since I woke up, as I fully remembered what I had done. "I can't... He... I... god..." Whatever I had been attempting to say dissolved completely in tears. All the energy left my body; I relaxed against the arms that held me tightly until they turned me around and I buried my face against his shirt, trying now to drown him as well myself as he lowered us both to the floor and simply held me until my body gave out on me and I slept again.
My eyes opened. I was looking at a wall, no window visible, and even though there didn't seem to be a way for him to know that I was awake, a voice behind me said, "Living is hard. I know that. Even for those of us who do not have such things to bear as you do, it is still difficult. But that does not make it less worth the living."
He fell silent then, as if waiting for a response. There was nothing I could think of that I wanted to say. Except "I’d rather die," and I figured that wouldn't go over too well. I felt I should say "I’m sorry," or something, but I couldn't do it. I wasn't sorry, and false words wouldn't come to my lips. After a few moments he rose and left the room. Raising my head, I looked around. I frowned; there was nothing in the room that I could use. Well, not without making a great deal of noise, and I had no doubts that he was waiting just outside the door. Sighing in frustration, I fell back down on the bed.
Staring at the wall proved to be exceptionally boring. I didn't feel like sleeping. Dragging myself off the bed, I started pacing the room. Maybe if I backed up into a corner and threw myself at the opposite wall... I sighed again. This wasn't going to work. If I wanted to get the chance to pay for what I'd done the right way, I was first going to have to convince these people that I didn't intend to hurt myself. Wait a minute... Who were these people anyway? I sighed yet again and threw myself down on the end of the bed. This proved to not have been the best idea; the impact jarred my arm and woke up a hundred other half healed bruises. I frowned. How long had I been here? How long had it been since...? I touched my forehead; I distinctly remembered a rather large stone, one of the first flung at me, striking me right there and leaving a long, ragged gash. It was gone now, and I could barely feel a scar. A sudden desire to find out something about what had happened to me overrode my preoccupation with what I had done to Alik. I approached the door.
It opened without difficulty. As I had thought, someone was sitting outside. He stood up as I opened the door and I really looked at him for the first time. It was the same man from earlier; his hand was bandaged where I had bitten him. Taking that in, my eyes traveled up his body to his long white hair and the golden skin exposed by his loose, sleeveless shirt. His eyes were a clear, bright blue- an unusual shade. We stood there looking at each other for a long time. Strangely enough, it didn't feel uncomfortable. Finally, he said, "Are you hungry?" I opened my mouth to say no, but my stomach growled loudly, denying any protests I might have made. I blushed, but he just smiled at me. "Come with me." With that, he turned and led the way.
I followed him.
I followed him past doors to unknown rooms and open windows that called temptingly and past people the likes of which I had never seen before. We went down several flights of stairs, the strange feeling in my stomach I had had since waking disappearing as I came closer to the ground, and eventually we reached his destination. He pushed the doors open onto a virtual paradise.
I stood in that doorway for several minutes, unable to take it all in. The room was huge, and plants grew wildly all through it so that the very air was green with them. There was a pool of water in the center half hidden in the foliage, though the longer I looked at it the more I realized that it was not just one pool but a succession of them, of different sizes and, judging from the amount of steam coming from some of them, temperatures. Suddenly remembering my escort, I turned back to him only to find him looking over a table laden with food. Where had that come from? I was sure I would have noticed it if it had been there as I came in. It and the large, white bird perched on the back of one of the chairs. As I cautiously approached, the bird raised its head from inspecting the food and looked at me.
The intelligence in that gaze was unnerving. It was almost as if the creature could see right through me. I had never seen a... what was it exactly? An eagle? No, I didn't think so. My knowledge of birds was very limited. The bird kept staring at me, and I blushed to think that it might know what I was thinking. It made a soft chirruping noise at me and then returned its attention to the table, the food, and the man standing over it. The man… What was his name anyway? Not that it really mattered. But suddenly it did matter to me, immensely.
"What's your name?"
I blinked. Wait. That was what I had just been thinking. But... I wasn't the one who just said that, was I? No, I wasn't. His eyes were fixed on mine, as piercing as the bird's. "What’s your name?" he repeated, his voice soft and friendly.
"Tallo," I responded shortly. "What's yours?" I tried to sound casual, but inside I was on fire with the desire to know.
"Starwind," he said easily. "This is Sonrisa." He gestured to the bird when he said this. It trilled and bobbed its head, as if recognizing its name.
"Sonrisa," I repeated. "What is... it?" This earned me a strange look from Starwind. Obviously, it was a bird. I tried to clarify my question. "I mean, what kind of bird is... Is it a he?"
Starwind smiled. It seemed the bird was a good conversation topic. "She," he emphasized the pronoun, "is a gyrfalcon as well as being a bondbird, which makes her slightly different from a regular falcon."
"Bondbird?" What was that supposed to mean?
He chuckled. "I believe it will be easier to explain after you have eaten and bathed." He gestured to the table and then to the pools behind me. "There," he pointed to one, "for washing, and there," he pointed to another, higher pool, "for resting after." He smiled at me. "I will go and find you some clean clothing." I nodded, slightly overwhelmed and suddenly overcome with hunger. I barely noticed when he left, and it was only several moments later that I realized he had left me alone.
Or not. The bird was still sitting on the back of the chair looking at me. It was extremely unnerving, and since I didn't even want to think about what the creature was capable of doing to me if I angered it, I decided to follow Starwind's directions to the letter. After I quieted my complaining stomach, I headed over to the washing pool. I stood beside it for awhile, wondering what exactly I was supposed to do. Just... go at it? I glanced around. There didn't seem to be anyone else here in this enormous room except me and that b... me and Sonrisa. It was creepy, but I could feel the bird's glare soften when I thought her name. Even stranger, I could feel a feeling of assent coming from her; as if what I was thinking about what I was supposed to do was in fact the right thing. Well, why not. I started my undressing with my arm. I unwound the light cloth wrapping and stared down at the angry red line that ran almost the length of my arm. It was only when the tears started falling onto my arm that I realized I was crying. Well shit, I thought, and I started shaking as the tears came more forcefully.
A soft chirruping sound made me look up. Sniffing loudly and wiping at my eyes with the bandage I looked at the bird standing right in front of me. It was standing on the ledge at the edge of the pool that I was sitting on and its head came level with my chest. It was definitely the biggest bird I had ever seen. No... not it. She. "Sonrisa," I whispered. She chirruped at me again, then hopped forward and nudged against my hand. I reached out my fingers and brushed them against the top of her head.
She clucked deep in her throat. :Chick need feel better. Stop hurt self.:
My eyes flew open wide. What?! The bird!? The idea of mindspeech was not completely foreign to me, but now it suddenly occurred to me that since I woke up I hadn't been hearing things in my head the way I usually did. Hesitantly, for this aspect was slightly more unfamiliar to me, I thought at her, :SONRISA?:
:Ouch!: She emitted a shriek as she jumped back from me. :Chick need learn not talk so loud!!:
"I'm sorry!" I held out my hand to her, desperate not to loose the contact. But I should have known- all I ever did was hurt people. Alik... Oh, god, Alik… The tears started again.
"Here now, enough of that." A strong hand cupped my chin and brushed at my cheek. I looked up at Starwind. "Tears solve nothing," he continued, his voice urgent and persuasive. "All you need is to learn control. I can teach you this control. How to master these powers of yours, so that you no longer hurt those around you."
"Control?" I questioned warily, still wiping at my face with the now soggy bandage.
"Yes, control," he repeated, "but first I think you will feel better after you have washed."
I glanced down at the water in the pool I was sitting beside. I hadn't quite gotten to the getting in part. I nodded. However, I was reluctant to continue to disrobe with Starwind there. He seemed to realize this and departed again with an encouraging smile thrown back at me over his shoulder. I managed to get myself undressed and into the water without further incident. The water did feel good, and it eased all the remaining aches out of my muscles. I tried very hard not to think about where those aches had come from, and this proved easier than I had thought. Sonrisa had returned; she sat on a rock across the pool from me and twisted her head upside-down to look at me while making the most unusual chirping noises. Her antics made me laugh and gave me something to think about besides the past.
Towels lay by the side of the pool; I decided Starwind must have left them, dropping them there when he came to comfort me. I blushed slightly. I didn't want to seem like a burden, crying all the time. But it wasn't as if I had asked these people to help me! All I asked of the world was to let me go. For some reason, that seemed to be the one thing it refused to give me. Without my really thinking about it, I was already scanning the room. I could drown myself in the pool, I thought, but frowned. It was too chancy. There were the towels and the clothes I had found and put on; tied together they could make a long enough rope. I had already checked out the table when I got my food- there wasn't anything there sharp enough to serve me.
"Well, feel better?"
Starwind's voice startled me out of my train of thought. I had forgotten about him, and that he would return to check on me. Looking at him I suddenly felt even guiltier. Now I felt guilty about trying to give myself the punishment I deserved for the terrible sin I had committed! I dropped my eyes. I had made no response to his query, but Starwind didn't seem to mind. Watching him from the corner of my eye I saw him look me over. He must have seen what he was looking for because he motioned for me to follow him and said, "Come on then." Sonrisa flew over from where she was sitting and landed on his shoulder- very lightly for such a large bird.
The feel of his eyes upon me filled me with a sudden lust, and that filled me with horror. Had I already forgotten where that led?! While I might wish for death, I did not desire to become the target of another angry mob. That guaranteed pain rather than death, and I was not enamored of pain. Never mind how Starwind himself might feel about it- several times already he'd gone to the trouble of saving my life, and that was how I repaid him! I watched the floor as I followed him, not trusting myself to look at anything else.
The problem with looking at the floor soon revealed itself. Starwind stopped in a doorway and turned to me; not watching where I was going, I ran right into him.
Our bodies were pressed together and his hands held me by the upper arms- our faces were inches apart. His breath was warm on my face and I instinctively angled my head to be kissed. My body reacted without thinking, but my mind was thinking in overdrive; my eyes were opened so wide I thought they must surely fall out.
It only lasted for a moment. He set me back on my feet and when I was steady he released his hold on my arms. He turned away for a moment and didn't say anything. Taking a deep breath, he turned back to me. "You had some questions earlier. I'm sure you have many more now, so please ask what you will and I will answer as best I can." He took a seat and gestured to another across from him. Dazed, I sank into it.
Questions? Well, yes I had them. I couldn't think of any at the moment though... Sonrisa sat on the back of Starwind's chair, running her beak through his hair and chirruping softly. The bird... She was like a beacon of everything that was safe in the world. "You said Sonrisa was a bondbird," I asked tentatively. "What does that mean?" Once again, she had presented the safest topic of conversation- not talking about me.
With a smile, he said, "It might be better to start with explaining who I am. You have heard of..." He paused, eyes closing slightly in deep thought, as if searching for the word; I recalled hearing him and the others speak that strange language. "Ah, your people call us Hawkbrothers I believe. You have heard of us?"
I figured I didn't really need to answer that question. The way I had gone absolutely still with horror, my eyes wide, was answer enough. He made no move, just sat there watching me. And as all the stories from my youth- Go out at night and you'll get taken away by the Hawkbrothers! Eat all your vegetables so the Hawkbrothers don't want you. Wander off alone and the Hawkbrothers'll eat you!, and the all-time, all-purpose favorite, Be good or the Hawkbrothers will get you!- ran through my head, they were suddenly paced by other thoughts. Starwind's gentleness with me; Sonrisa's attempts to cheer me up; the kind smiles I had seen on the faces of people I had passed as we walked earlier, people I didn't even know... the faces of those in my village, who had known me since my birth, who had told me the stories about evil Hawkbrothers, twisted in rage and disgust as they pelted me with stones.
I relaxed. Not completely, but I was no longer frozen with terror. When my brain started working again, I figured there was very little he could do to me that would really upset me. Death I welcomed, and, while I didn't look forward to pain, I certainly had it coming for what I had done. Not that Starwind looked like he intended anything of the sort.
He was still sitting in the chair, his eyes fastened on me. When I met his gaze, the lines in his face softened and he began speaking again. "What you have heard about us... there are many false stories." His eyes seemed to be pleading with me for something, but I could not imagine what he could want from me. He solved that problem by telling me. He reached out as if to take my hand but hesitated and met my eyes instead. "Please allow me to correct this. Let me show you how we truly are." I nodded meekly, unsure what other response I could make. Um, no thanks? But, I surprised myself, I did want to know more about him. Almost more than I wanted anything else in the world. Only one desire was stronger.
"Well, now that that's settled!" He stood briskly, Sonrisa squawked in outrage at the sudden movement. He held out a hand to me, to help me to my feet. "You will stay with us until I have managed to give you a better idea of who we are. Come on then, and I will show you more of the Vale."
I stopped short and snatched back my hand. He turned back to me. I scowled at him. "You tricked me! I didn't say I would stay here."
His face was smooth and unreadable. "Where else will you go?"
I was suddenly angry. "I didn't ask you people to take me in! I didn't ask you to do any of this! I don't want your help!" I practically sneered the last word; if they knew about me, they would know better than to even think about offering me aid. "Just leave me alone! Just let me..." I sank into the chair, anger suddenly overwhelmed by despair. I didn't deserve to live. But… I was scared. I didn't want to die. Not really. I balled my hands into fists and hid my face against them aggressively. I would not cry. I would not.
He knelt in front of me, placed a hand on my shoulder and the other brushed yet another wayward tear from my cheek. "Tallo," he whispered, his voice urgent and caring. "Tell me. What is this burden you carry? Let me help you, please..."
I wanted to. I wanted to, so badly.. But I didn't deserve... His eyes pulled me forward, clear and blue, and I wanted to give him my soul.
"Sometimes," he said, his voice soft, "a man may be strong, but he is caught in the wind of life and is blown every which way. Alone, he cannot help himself, but if he accepts the hand of another, together both their lives can be easier."
I shook my head, but responding in any way was a mistake because now I could not stop myself. "You don't know," I whispered, horror at myself coloring all my words. "You don't know what I did!" I pulled away from him, or tried. He grabbed me by the wrist, his grip just as strong as it had been earlier, and I could not escape him.
"Tell me," he pleaded with me. "Please, Tallo, tell me what you did." I stopped struggling and crouched there in front of him, my eyes wild.
"I killed him."
There I'd said it. But that wasn't the worst... I pulled wildly at the man who held me and practically screamed my next babbled words in my hysteria. "I killed Alik. I killed him, because he wanted to leave, because they found us! They found us and they threw us out, with rocks at our heels in case we decided to come back. I... I killed him! Because they found us. They found us together, fucking!" I spat the last word- disgust, anger, fear, despair, betrayal, all rolling over me together like a storm drowning me in rain and wind.
There. That was it. My body went limp and I fell against Starwind, craving one last moment of closeness before the inevitable rejection came. Before the rejection, the pain, the beatings, being alone again...
He pulled me against him, into his arms, embracing me. "Ay ke’chara," he murmured against my hair. "How could they be so cruel?"
I waited. Something was wrong. This wasn't how it happened... There was a mistake. He hadn’t heard me correctly...
He held me close and rocked me back and forth, one hand in my hair, the other rubbing small circles on my back, and it was only then that I noticed I was crying again. Well shit, I thought, not for the first time today. I turned my face into the warmth of his shoulder, my hands grasping at his tunic desperately.
We sat like that for a long time, not moving. Sonrisa, perched again on Starwind's shoulder, chirped softly and I could feel her beak combing through my hair. Thinking was too hard. So I stopped. My mind drifted away and soft darkness overtook me. Dimly, I felt Starwind lift my body and carry me to a bed, and that was my last conscious thought.
Waking, this time, was different. For the first time in longer than I could remember I didn't feel like I was being slowly smothered. Sunlight fell over me, and as I sat up I turned toward the source of it like a flower. One entire wall of the room where I lay was open to the elements, though those elements couldn't be the same harsh ones I was used to. Plants, vines, and flowers twined, twisted, and bloomed all over what there was of the wall. It was a simple lattice with a space in the middle for a door or walkway. The plants were delicate things that could not have possibly survived a winter freeze. The smell was... beyond any words I had to express it. It was intoxicating. It made me feel alive, filled with the life of the plants themselves. I breathed deeply, not wanting the feeling to ever end.
Gradually I became aware of Sonrisa perched on the railing at the foot of the bed, which I saw now was more of a couch really, and chirping at me inquiringly. I held out a hand to her tentatively. She nibbled softly at the tips of my fingers and I couldn't help giggling at the strange sensation. Voices drifted in through the door opposite the wall of flowers. I stood and decided to go in search of their source. I glanced hesitantly at Sonrisa. She cocked her head. Shyly, I held out my arm. She chuckled with approval and stepped onto it. The touch of her talons was feather light, and she weighed surprisingly little for her size; if I held her at waist height she could look me in the eye. Still, she was pretty heavy and I wasn't sure how far I could carry her. I supported her with both arms and as I moved inside she leaned against me, taking her weight off of them. She chirruped softly to herself and reached up to preen my hair as I moved toward the pair of voices that steadily grew louder.
It was Starwind and another man I didn't know. They were speaking that strange language again and something was wrong. I hovered in the doorway to the room where they were, not wanting to interrupt them but feeling like I was eavesdropping even though I couldn't understand a word of their argument. Their words were heated, and Starwind looked angry about something. He stood leaning aggressively over the other man and spoke strongly and passionately. After a pause the other man, seated with his hands folded in front of his intent and narrowed eyes, answered him, sounding resigned about something. Starwind nodded at this; a fierce light in his eyes seemed to say that he had won whatever battle they had been fighting. My breath caught to see him victorious. It was something I wanted to see again, many times. I think Sonrisa could feel my desire; she chirped loudly. Both of the men in the room looked in our direction.
Blushing fiercely, I came into the room. "I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I didn't mean..." <
Starwind cut me off with a smile. "It is alright." He turned to the other man and said something. The man nodded to me. Starwind turned back to me and said, "This is Whitesnake, an elder of our clan. He welcomes you to our home, and begs your pardon for not addressing you directly but he does not speak your tongue." He turned triumphant eyes on Whitesnake, who returned the look with a look of his own that said he suspected Starwind was putting words in his mouth. That look, more than any words, assured me that he did not speak my language though I suspected the real reason he didn't speak to me directly was because he didn't like me too much. I wondered if Starwind had told him what I had said earlier.
My thoughts were interrupted by Starwind himself coming over and taking Sonrisa from me. I hadn't even noticed how tired my arms were getting. As she made her way to his shoulder I noticed that the garment he wore was designed with extra padding there for her to sink her talons into so she could hold on better.
Whitesnake nodded to me curtly, said one final thing to Starwind and left the room. Starwind, smirking at Whitesnake's parting comment, motioned me to sit in the chair the elder had just vacated.
"I... don't want to be any trouble," I said, looking down at the floor, remembering the fight I had just now observed. "Just..." He knelt in front of me, interrupting my self-denouncing diatribe before it could even begin.
"Tallo," he said, his voice urgent and intent. "No, you are no trouble. You do not realize you potential. You are..." his voice faltered slightly with some intense emotion I couldn't quite identify, "infinitely valuable to... us." He took a deep breath and began in a different vein. "Many of my people are... very suspicious of outsiders. We have been isolated from most of the world for quite a long time. They do not like that a friend of mine brought you here from the outside for healing."
A friend? Part of me vaguely remembered a woman and a white horse. Well, there it was though. I was not welcome here. But Starwind wasn't finished.
"As we were healing you, Tallo, we had to enter your mind, and we discovered a great deal about you." He watched me carefully, wondering, I'm sure, how I would feel about this perceived invasion of my mind. Discovered about me? Did that mean he already knew about Alik before he had asked me about it? He continued before I could ask. "We, the Tayledras," he didn't translate the word, "are a people of mages. Yet the greatest, and rarest, of mages among us is the Healing Adept. What we discovered within you is that you have the potential to become a Healing Adept." He stopped, to see my reaction.
The intensity of his emotion as he spoke would have knocked me over if I had been standing up. I didn't know how to respond. So I changed the subject.
"Did you tell Elder Whitesnake what I told you?"
He was thrown by the non sequitor, but only for a moment. "Yes," he said softly. He had drawn away from me slightly, as if he thought that this revelation would make me withdraw from him and he would save me the trouble. Actually, it was relieving in a strange way. If someone with the power of an elder knew about me and I hadn't been driven away yet... He and Starwind had been arguing about something, and Starwind had won. Had I been the subject of their debate?
"Did you know about..." I swallowed, "about Alik before you asked me?"
"Yes and no." He had stood and withdrawn a step. "As we were healing you, Savil and I picked up on some of your memories. Only general things," he added, glancing at me from the corner of his eye.
I nodded. I felt strangely calm. While the practice of someone entering my mind to help and heal me was alien, it seemed like it was something that should come with the rest of the strange powers I had. And... I didn't really mind Starwind doing so.
"Who is Savil?" I asked. I was thinking about that woman I half-remembered, and he confirmed my suspicion.
"She found you. She is my friend- my sister of the heart."
Sister? Interesting. I had one more question. "Why did you keep me here after you healed me? Is it only because you need this potential you say I have? Because it is rare?"
My voice was deadpan, but he flinched as my words accused him of having a purely mercenary interest in me. I barely heard his answer, he spoke so softly and my heart was beating so loudly. "No," he said. "No," stronger this time and he turned to look at me. "That was not the only reason." There was something in his voice, something I couldn't quite identify, that begged me to ask him no more questions because he wasn't sure he knew the answers. But that something sent shivers running up my spine, and it was close enough to what I was looking for that I was, for the moment, content.
Content. What a strange word. I don't think I ever really knew what it meant until that moment. He stood there, withdrawn from me, waiting for my response to all he had revealed.
"All right," I said. He didn't move. I smiled tentatively, but he must have seen the pain behind it because there was no way I could have hidden it, especially from him. "I... I will stay." Our eyes met. His joy was almost palpable, and it made me smile. "Teach me control, like you said." And teach me so much more... "I..." The words stuck in my throat. "I don’t want to hurt people anymore. But whatever you teach me, I have to pay for what I did. I can't erase the past." There. That was said.
He nodded. "I understand." And I heard in those words that he would always be there to stop me from seeking that release from my pain.
The idea did not displease me.
After my first few stimulating days, life in the Vale settled into an easy routine. I had learned the Tayledras language, and with the words came the knowledge of many of the small rituals that filled the daily lives of the residents of my new "village." I felt more like I belonged here when I greeted the people I met in their own language, even though my dark hair and eyes gave me away as "foreign" the minute anyone laid eyes on me.
Starwind's friend Savil was a small comfort. She was also an outsiders, but was somewhat accepted having earned the title Wingsister. She herself was a refreshing, no nonsense kind of person, in a way very similar to Starwind, and was always entertaining to be around. Toward the beginning of my stay in the Vale I spent a great deal of time with her and her Companion Kellan. She was both comforting and not; her presence was more familiar than the Hawkbrothers and as a Herald she was someone to be trusted, yet her very realness forced me to realize that this was not a dream. That, and the fact that the sheer volume of things I was learning would have woken me up long ago if it was.
One especial benefit of learning the language, or so it seemed at the time, was that one day while I was working with Starwind, Elder Whitesnake came into the room. He must not have known that I had learned the Tayledras tongue, because he immediately accosted Starwind and accused him of allowing "the outlander" to consume all of his time and energy while his fellow mages were attempting to defend the Vale against all manner of intrusions. When Whitesnake first came into the room, I shrank back from him as he ranted about how useless I was and it was a waste to even try to teach me anything. But when Starwind let his eyes pass contemptuously over the elder and rest on me, an idea suddenly occurred to me.
"Excuse me Elder," I said, in my new perfect Tayledras, "but we were in the middle of something. Would you mind returning at a later time to continue your discussion?" The look on Whitesnake's face was priceless, and Starwind’s approving gaze made me feel warm inside.
But the more I thought about it, the more Whitesnake's disapproval of my being there bothered me. What if he spoke for a majority of the Vale? No one else I met had said anything disapproving to me, but maybe they were all avoiding me and Whitesnake was the only one who could bear to even enter my presence. Starwind didn't talk much about the politics of the Vale, but I knew such things existed. Even my small village had not been able to avoid political divisions. What if my being here got him in trouble?
Well. That would be just wonderful. After all he'd done for me, to get him in trouble... I truly enjoyed being here with him in a way I had not thought possible. I still watched the world around me with wary eyes that searched for some escape, but Starwind had only had to stop me twice more in the almost two months I had been here. Both of those times it was almost uncanny how he had known that my mind was drifting in that direction; he had appeared out of nowhere at my side and gently took my hands in his, and when I released whatever implement I was holding he pulled me close and held me. Being in his presence made all thoughts of punishing myself fade away from my mind.
But it was still something that I knew I had to do. Even with all I was learning, that thought was always in the back of my mind. And I was learning a lot. I had to start with the basics, things that little children among the Tayledras took for granted, but Starwind was impressed with how quickly I picked it up. He told me I was a natural, and that soon no one would be able to tell that I hadn't been born to the Vale. I wondered what he meant by that. Just looking at me would tell it to anyone who cared to know.
I was thinking about this, a couple days after the episode with Whitesnake, in one of my favorite places in the Vale. Just around the corner from the flower porch where I had wakened after I had confessed my sin to Starwind, there was a small clearing in a patch of fruits trees where the grass grew especially soft and thick. I liked to lie on the grass and look up at the sky, the white blossoms of the trees all around me. That was where I was when Toushu found me.
The first time I saw one of the hertasi was on one of those first crazy days, and my reaction was not particularly flattering but, so I'd heard, rather common. My attitude toward the shy, lizard-like people had taken a sharp turn to the opposite side of the spectrum since then. Toushu was a particular friend; many times he would find me lying in the grass in some remote part of the Vale thinking. Talking with him was... easy. He was an amazing listener, and since he wasn't human I felt I could tell him the things that I couldn't even talk to Starwind about. Like the way I felt about Starwind.
It was from Toushu that I learned that the Tayledras had no real prohibition against a relationship between two men. They even had a word for it; I discovered it in the back of the language I had learned- shay'a'chern. It was like learning my name. And having my entire world turned upside-down at the same time. Or it would have, if I hadn't already been so turned every which way. Toushu indicated that he didn't think Starwind would be entirely averse to any advances I made. The idea of myself making... advances to Starwind was so strange that it fit right into the world that had been reconstructed around me after mine had come crashing down.
Today, when he found me under the trees, I told Toushu about my worries concerning Whitesnake. "I don't want to make trouble. I just... I told Starwind I would learn from him, but he knows that I can't stay here for too long. I have to... pay." My voice trailed off. I didn't want to. Gods, I didn't. I wanted to stay here. But I... I killed Alik. It was unforgivable. What I wanted didn't matter. I couldn't just live my life like there was nothing wrong, like I had never struck him down in my fit of jealous anger. Like I had never smelled his burned flesh...
"Believe me," Toushu hissed softly, interrupting my thoughts. "If you were trouble to Starwind, he would let you know. He does not suffer fools." I nodded to that; I had felt the harsher side of his tongue several times during our training. "I understand that you feel you have a debt you cannot pay in any way but with your life," Toushu continued, speaking slowly as if he was working through something in his mind as he was speaking, "but, is there not some way you can pay it and remain alive?" I shook my head in violent denial almost before he was done. He continued, his voice still thoughtful. "You are not the same person you were when you came here. It is not fair to ask you to pay such a price." His strange face was unreadable. "It is your constant thinking on this subject that keeps you from truly becoming Tayledras."
I laughed harshly. "Can anyone truly forget that I am not of the Tayledras? They have but to look at me to know the truth."
Toushu turned curious eyes on me. "Do they? Have you not seen it then?"
I was confused. "Seen what?"
He shook his head and reached a clawed hand out to pull strands of my hair in front of my eyes. My hair had grown a bit in the months that had passed since I had first come to the Vale. It fell just past my shoulders now, but I rarely ever looked at it since all it served to do was remind me of how different I looked from those around me. The lock of hair Toushu pressed into my fingers did not resemble mine in the slightest. For one thing, I knew I did not have white hair, but this hair was almost as white as it was brown. I stared at it and then tugged at it to make sure it was indeed connected to my head, Toushu smirking at my antics. My breath caught in my throat as I reached behind me and pulled all of the hair I could reach into my line of vision. Not quite half of it was white; more like a third.
"Your eyes are the same way," Toushu commented casually. "The magic does that."
I almost didn't hear his last comment. As soon as he mentioned my eyes I ran inside looking for a mirror. It didn't take me long to find one; he was right, my once brown eyes were now a mixed light brown and grey-blue.
I remembered to keep breathing. This was... fantastic. I wasn't quite sure why this was happening... Toushu had mentioned the magic?... but soon, I would look just like all of the others, no longer the easily identifiable outsider.
Starwind found me there, staring at myself in the mirror as if I had never seen such a contraption before. "Tallo?" he said softly, worried, not doubt, by the expression on my face.
I hadn't heard him approach and I jumped slightly at my name. "I hadn't noticed," I said, trying to explain my actions. "I didn't see..." I held up a handful of my hair with its piebald coloring.
He seemed to understand. "Yes," he smiled. "The magic does it, bleaches out our hair and eyes. It happens to mages the fastest, but to all of our people eventually from living in the presence of the Heartstone."
"I.." I stammered, unable to speak yet needing to say something.
He knew what it was I wanted to say.
His eyes pierced through me to my soul, reading the desires of my heart. "Many often take new names when they come into their powers," he said, his voice smooth and nonchalant, but with the undercurrent of energy I had come to associate with Starwind at his most intent. "To show that they have become... a new person, of a sort." I met his eyes. Somewhere in there I stopped breathing. A new person. I wasn't the same person anymore. Starwind's eyes shone brightly with the strength of his emotion and I could tell that he wanted to say something, but wasn't sure how I would take it. I wanted him to say it; I think I was thinking the same thing. He had a short battle with patience and propriety and, for the first time that I had seen, lost.
"The magic has made you a new person." The words poured from him with intensity and he moved closer to me, touching my arm lightly. I put my hand over his and suddenly four hands were holding each other. "You are not Tallo any longer. Crimes he has committed are not yours."
I nodded, but shook my head. "Too easy..." I mumbled, dizzy with an ecstasy that wasn't quite mine just yet.
He nodded, ready for my protest. "Then we must try Tallo for his actions. You will be his judge; none will be harsher I think." His hands were warm as they held mine and my fingers gripped his fiercely. "What is your name?" he asked me, smiling softly.
I shook my head. I didn't know, but already the idea was working in my mind. I was not Tallo any longer. I was a new person. "I'll think about it..." I murmured, completely at a loss.
"It will be something that describes you," he guided me softly, "and the way you dance in the energy that is the magic." One hand freed itself from our clasped ones as he spoke, and his fingers brushed against my cheek, lingering for a moment. I met his eyes; they were full of desire shadowed with a question. I remembered Toushu's words. I raised one trembling hand and let my fingers trace their way down the side of his face. Cupping his chin, I tilted my head to the side and bent forward.
He met me halfway.
His lips were strong, like the rest of him, but strangely tentative. My hand slid from his chin to his hair and the other one joined it on the other side, holding his face between them. He touched me, his hand on my leg, sliding up across my waist and around and up my back, his other hand covering mine then following my arm back and ghosting over my shoulder to the back of my head. His strength washed around me, over me and through me, and I kissed him back fiercely.
We broke apart after a moment and looked at each other. He was smiling. So was I, I realized.
It seemed that things happened very quickly after that.
Starwind set up the ceremony. No one protested, not even Whitesnake, when he explained what was happening to the council. I figured they were just glad to be getting their Healing Adept, they didn't care much about the details. I was proved rather hideously wrong in that respect, and by Whitesnake himself no less.
I didn't see much of Whitesnake; I stayed out of his way as much as I could, since I was supremely aware of how little he liked me. Despite my intentions, I ran into him one day, quite literally. On my way to my room, I turned a corner around some trees and plowed right into Whitesnake. The small owl on his shoulder hooted at me in alarm as he almost lost his perch. I apologized profusely, but he barely seemed to hear me. He didn't appear to recognize me at first either, but as soon as he did he seized me by the arm before I could get away.
"Ah, you," he identified me absently. "I've been meaning to speak with you."
"Me?" I couldn't believe it.
"Yes." He glanced around, but the forest corridor was empty; the hour was late and most of the Tayledras preferred to be up in the trees. "I have been informed," he said, jumping right into his intended message, "that you have taken the wrong way some of the remarks you overheard me say to Starwind." I stared at him uncomprehendingly. "It is no secret that Starwind and I... do not particularly get along," he said with a sigh, though the information was news to me. "He is..." he seemed ready to launch into an extensive list of Starwind’s faults, but instead he smiled sardonically and left it at, "supremely irritating, indeed I would go so far as to say purposefully annoying. Anyway, that is not what I intended to discuss. I have, since last seeing you, chanced into his company again and have been duly informed that, well... don't take anything I said to him personally, boy. That man gets under my skin like no one else, and I'll say just about anything to anger him." He released his grip on my arm, but I could only stare at him in wonder. "Are we all right then?" he said, patting me on the shoulder in a noncommittally, friendly manner, and walking away before I could form a response.
That strange encounter was still on my mind the next day when I ran into Savil. She had left not long after she had brought me, and returned shortly after that. However, now she was getting ready to truly depart the Vale and return to her job as a Herald, but she had agreed to stay for the ceremony. Or rather, she had said that if we attempted to have it without her she would have to hunt us down and beat us within an inch of our lives. I told her about what Whitesnake had said, and found that she was not at all surprised.
"That codger is always trying to give Starwind a hard time. So you caught the edge of some of that, eh? Should have told me sooner ke’chara, I'd have set you straight." She was carefully combing through Kellan’s mane, and I took up a brush and started on the Companion's tail; Kellan turned her head to look at me and winked one large, liquid eye, also sending me a mental note of thanks as I smoothly brushed through the silky strands.
"So, they don't resent me?" I asked softly, feeling, and probably sounding, very young as I said it.
"Goddess no! They're excited to have you," came her swift reply. “I could just beat Whitesnake for making you think that." Her brows drew together, as if she was actually contemplating such an act.
"No! Please, don't worry about it," I assured her hastily. "Though," I wondered aloud, the memory suddenly jumping to the forefront of my mind, "he did say that Starwind had told him that I felt that way. I... hadn't thought that Starwind knew." Or, I amended, I would rather Starwind had told me about the animosity between him and Whitesnake himself. That he hadn't... stung a little.
"I told him." Toushu's sibilant voice surprised all of us. He chuckled at our faces and Kellan snorted at him.
"You did?" I asked, dumbfounded for a moment.
"Yes." His eyes met mine. "Do not worry. That is all I told him." I breathed. "Of all that you confided to me, that seemed... something you had trouble with that could not be aided by remaining silent." And Toushu, ever knowing, answered the question I hadn't dared ask aloud. "In all likelihood, Starwind did not approach you directly on the subject because you had not first confided it to him. He may have felt that you did not wish to speak with him on the topic."
So he hadn't talked to me about it because of... me? Not because he didn't want to. Well. For some unexplainable reason, I started smiling as I worked the brush through Kellan's tail.
About to fade back into the brush from which he had come, Toushu pointed a clawed finger in my direction. "I see that," he said, humor in his tone, and vanished.
Savil raised an eyebrow at me.
"What?" I asked, innocently.
She went back to combing Kellan's mane without any further comment, but she was smiling too.
And yet for all that time seemed to fly, it dragged as well, and it seemed both only and instant and yet an eternity before it was the night of the ceremony. Tonight I would take my place as a member of the k'Treva clan. A full member, not just a Wingsib. I stood outside the chamber, watching the night sky for a last moment before I went in for the ceremony.
"The moon is in the west."
I made no response to Toushu's comment, made in his distinctive hiss. He continued.
"It is nearly done." He had come up to stand beside me, and I glanced at him at this point. "It is nearly done in its nightly journey," he clarified. "The moon. It rises in the east each night, just as the sun does during the day. But its course is somewhat less... conventional."
I laughed softly. "Starwind said it was a name I should choose for myself. However, it seems you and he have taken the task out of my hands."
"Merely a suggestion." A forked tongue flicked out, and his mouth creased in an approximation of a human smile.
"Thank you. I... must confess I had no idea what I should choose."
We stood in companionable silence for a while. I was the one who broke it.
"I still feel like I'm cheating somehow," I confessed to Toushu.
"You wish to be sure that the one who committed such a crime is truly punished."
"Yes." That was it, exactly.
He breathed deeply. "Tallo..." He paused. "What he did is indeed worthy of punishment," he continued. "But it cannot be forgotten that he did it because he was a child. He was a child, angry and frightened. This does not excuse him, but I believe it may count toward... rehabilitation."
I pondered that. "One who has committed such an act can be a child no longer."
"Perhaps. One who has murdered is no longer innocent, but he can still be selfish like a child."
"Selfish." I closed my eyes. "What is not selfish?"
"Living, or dying, for other people. Not for yourself."
"My eyes flew open. "But I..." I stopped.
"Yes, it's all about you isn't it?" He laughed softly in good humor. "See what I mean? Selfish."
I was silent.
"But it is not always bad to be a little selfish," Toushu continued, as if talking to someone else who wasn't there. "For if Tallo wasn't selfish at all, he would never have given in to Starwind's request that he stay."
I raised an eyebrow. "That was selfish?"
Toushu's expression was knowing. "Mmm," was all he said to that, and I flushed slightly.
Well, so what if it had been? I turned away, my chin coming up in a stubborn tilt, my eyes returning to the sky. Toushu's dry laughter echoed in my ears as he turned to go into the chamber.
"Toushu," I called softly.
He paused. "I know," he said. He returned, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Go. Do what you must to get what it is you want." He turned and left.
I took a deep breath. What it is you want... I turned and followed Toushu inside.
I stood, facing Starwind across the circle. He watched me with an intensity I had never seen in him before. I brought the knife up and toward myself, holding it in a ready position, the blade facing away from me. I had refused to plan what I was going to do in advance, but still I knew that when it was done it would be done correctly. There would be no going back. Raising my head I met his eyes, and I knew that already there was no going back. So, I did the only thing I could do.
I went forward.
"Tallo." My voice was strong. My head was held high. No one could see how I trembled. No one but Starwind. "For the sins you have committed, you stand accused. You used gifts for which you had not received training. You used these gifts to deliberately cause fear in the heart of another for self gain. In doing so, these gifts escaped your control and caused the death of an innocent. Have you anything to say?"
Silence was my answer.
"Very well. The only acceptable punishment for these crimes is death. Step forward and accept your punishment." The knife in my hands seemed to move of its own volition, turning itself so that it was horizontal with the floor at the level of my neck. It flipped over, so that the blade edge was toward me and I brought it steadily closer until I could feel its cool touch against my skin.
My eyes were half closed as I stood there, and I held the knife ready in one hand. My fingers tightened around it and I could feel the bite of it at my throat. Blood trickled down my neck; Starwind almost stepped toward me, but stopped himself in time. His eyes were worried; I hadn't told him what I was going to do. Hell, I didn't even know what I was doing. But... it felt right. I held out my other hand and suddenly I couldn't see my audience any longer as a barrier sprang up between us.
It was strange, because there was no way I could have seen or heard him, but Starwind's apprehension was palpable to me as I stood there, alone in my own world, separated from everything else. From this world Tallo would never depart, but a new creation would step forth. Well, that was the plan. A part of me knew that there would always be that frightened little boy in a corner of my heart. And... perhaps that was it. That was my atonement to Alik. I would never forget. Those around me had forgiven me, but I felt it would be quite some time before I truly forgave myself. Even then, I could never forget.
"Alik," I murmured, "Tallo will join you."
The knife fell from my hands as my eyes closed. Reaching out, I touched the Heartstone where the power that fed the Vale collected. With tentative mental fingers I touched it, and then, firmly took hold of the power that radiated from it. It filled me, coursing through me, burning through my veins, fighting me slightly before it submitted to my touch, whirling around me, forming another barrier between myself and the world. With barely a thought the cut on my neck healed. I closed my eyes as a satisfied smile spread across my face.
My eyes snapped open and the barrier around me fell away, all the power flowing back into the streams I had borrowed it from. Starwind's eyes met mine and he could not stop himself from coming toward me now. He touched my arm and I tilted my head up so that I could see him better. "Hello," I said.
"Hello," he breathed, his eyes searching my face. He licked dry lips. "And who might you be?"
I smiled mischievously. "Moondance."
He smiled. "Moondance," he repeated, and, softly, "ashke."
I froze. He'd said it. He'd actually said it. He was waiting for me to respond, suddenly tentative, perhaps wondering if he should not have been so forward.
But it was all right. Actually, looking back, I admire the strength of will it must have taken for him to wait as long as he did. He knew what was going on, what we had. I had no idea why I felt drawn to him; why he was always in the back of my mind. I was too busy trying to figure out my own problems to worry about his. But he did wait, for me to figure it out, for me to become a whole person again.
I looked at him. "Shay'kreth'ashke," I murmured absentmindedly, naming him as I myself had been named. Beloved of my soul... Reaching up, I threw my arms around his neck, pulled him close and kissed him. For the first time it didn't matter that people, hell everyone, were watching. I loved him. The knowledge, that admission, warmed me. Or that could have been his lips, or even his hands as he held me close to him as if he would never let me go.
No excuse for a party should ever be overlooked. Not that it ever was among the Tayledras. They welcomed me exuberantly, all of them. Toushu and the other hertasi slipped in and out of the shadows, bringing food and drink to any who wanted it, never happier than when they were helping out others. Unless they were gossiping about them, which my confidant only now revealed to me was a favorite pastime among his people. Well I felt properly chagrined about that, though Toushu enjoyed it immensely.
"I would not betray your confidence to anyone who was concerned," he told me later in the evening, in all seriousness. "That you would choose to confide in me honored me greatly. If I told something of what you said to me to my kin, well the whispering of lizards does not bother the ears of men, does it?" I had to confess that he was right; the reason I had spoken to him in the first place was because I thought that my pitiful human troubles would mean little to him. I was both right and wrong- they did mean a lot to him in all the ways that mattered, but in the ways that didn't... I figured I couldn't mind him gossiping about me, not when, in perspective with everything else, it meant nothing and was never malicious in intent. And, I decided, I had better get used to it if I was going to be living here.
Savil was very proud of me, of all that I had overcome in even the short time it had been since she had brought me to the Vale. There was much I had yet to learn, but... I was ready now. I could go on with my life without my mind lingering incessantly in the past. Savil didn't mind telling everyone who would listen just how very proud she was. She would be leaving soon, but she promised that she would come back and see us as soon, and as often, as she could. There was some trouble brewing to the south of her country, and for the past couple days worry lines had etched her face. But that didn't stop her from enjoying herself at the celebration. "You old rogue," she said, pinching Starwind. "That's the last time I bring defenseless young men to you for help!" She winked at me. "In the future, I'll have to bring them to Moondance instead." We all enjoyed a laugh.
Other occupants of the Vale, both those I knew and those I didn't came to bid me welcome. Especially important was a certain someone that I had not yet met, who, even though I didn't know her, brought me the most wonderful welcoming gift of all. Starwind introduced us.
"This is Kyut," he said, stroking her feathered breast as she perched delicately on his wrist. The falcon chirruped softly at him, but her eyes were on me. "She... has someone she would like you to meet." He was grinning wildly, but I could only stare at him dumbly. "Hold out your arm," he instructed me. Thinking that he wanted me to catch Sonrisa as she came in to land, I complied.
The bird that landed on my arm was not Sonrisa.
If the relatively awkward landing, compared to the elegant Sonrisa, and wild swirl of feathers as he tried to balance on my arm didn't give that away, I knew the moment my eyes met his that he was different. I looked into those eyes and fell into them. Swirling amber-gold fire reached up to me and pulled me in, seizing me.
:Keh, you new Moondance one?: came his young, rough voice, echoing comfortably in my head. I assured him that I was. He clacked his beak together. :Good. My name Kesuki. My Kyut, mother, say good things about you. She watch you, with friend Sonrisa.: He cocked his head to one side. :Kyut say you need bird, live with Hawkbrothers. Have me?:
I couldn't speak, or even form the words in my mind. I just stared at the beautiful creature perched on my arm. Starwind's fingers, ghosting across my cheek, brought me back to the present. He wiped the stray tear from my face. Not again, I thought, but now it was different and he seemed to know. I looked into his eyes and I knew that he knew that these were not the same tears that Tallo had cried so often. No more tears of pain, only of joy.
:Kesuki, I would be honored to have you. If you will have me? One who was not born among the Tayledras?:
:Keh.: Kesuki made a sound like he was coughing up a pellet, eloquently expressing his opinion of my attempt at self-deprecation.
That was one of the last such attempts I ever made.
Late that night, Sonrisa and Kesuki perched together on the ledge above Starwind's window. Sonrisa was explaining something to the youngster with soft chirps and clicks that stood out slightly louder than the other sounds of tired creatures that filled the Vale. I leaned out the window, looking down toward the ground invisible in the darkness. I leaned out and over the emptiness, but my hands gripped the window's edge firmly. The blackness there no longer knew my name. I smiled to myself, and turned back to the room behind me. It was warm and lit softly, and Starwind lay across the bed watching me.
He did not appear concerned about my antics at the window, and a rush of love filled my heart. He trusted me, even though I had done so little to earn it. I smiled as I sat down on the bed beside him. I touched a finger to his temple and traced the line of his face before leaning forward and kissing him. He moved under me, leaning into my touch, and it sent thrills running down my spine. My fingers explored further, venturing out from the familiar planes of the face that I must have memorized a thousand times over, watching him as he taught me and explained things to me. They trailed lightly down his neck to his chest and the open neck of his robe, and then moved over, brushing along his shoulder almost contemptuously pushing aside the robe that covered him. He was smiling; his own fingers were not inattentive. They flew lightly over my skin, across my chest and stroking my abdomen.
I divest him of the upper portion of the robe he was wearing, then paused a moment to observe my handiwork. I lay myself down alongside of him carefully, my head against his chest, his heart under my ear. He wrapped his arms around me and I could feel his breath against the top of my head as he kissed my hair.
Warm, safe, complete... I slept deeply. The dawn found us there, tangled up in each other.
